An Evening to Remember
by Mr. Semaj
Summary: Meg invites Kevin to her home for a dinner date. All goes according to plan, until Meg gets stuck in a trap, and Connie tries to steal her man. Things start to heat up on this cold winter's day.
1. Chapter 1

**An Evening to Remember**

**Act I**

**Scene I**

It was a cold, snowy evening. A Thursday evening.

Meg Griffin was in her bedroom in her pajamas wrapped in her warm blanket. She was doing some reading for her homework assignment.

She got up to fetch a snack. After about five minutes, she returned to her room with peanut buttered bread and a glass of milk. She ate her snack as she continued studying.

After a while, Meg got restless. It was almost midnight. Meg looked out her window. It had stopped snowing. She figured that she could use a little fresh air. She walked to the window, still wrapped in her blanket, and opened it. When she looked out, the skies were clear. A beautiful dark blue sky was decorated with the moon and starlight. Some stars twinkled as Meg stood at her window post daydreaming. Her breath could be seen against the wind chill.

Just then, Meg saw something in the adjacent window of the Swansons' house. She could see Kevin's silhouette. She tried to get a peek at what was happening, and upon closer inspection, she reared her head back. She realized that Kevin was dressing into his pajamas.

After he was done, he walked to the window. Meg hesitated to hide, fearing that she was caught spying on him. She sat nervously as Kevin greeted her with a warm smile.

"Hello," he said.

Meg blushed, and grinned as her hair flowed in the cold wind. She had forgotten how cold it was.

"Hi," she said.

Meg and Kevin sat silently at their windows, staring at the nighttime sky. All that could be heard was the whistling winds. Then, the wind gusts grew louder, and Kevin got chilly.

"Goodbye", he said to Meg as he shut his window. Meg barely had time to reply back.

"Bye", she replied. She closed her window, as light flurries began to fall.

Meg walked away from her window, and sighed contently. She went back to bed to continue her reading. She glanced at the window, and saw Kevin turn his lights out for the night. She finished the last of her milk, turned the lights out, and went fast asleep.

During the night, the light flurries grew into an extended snow shower. The wind gusts picked up hour after hour after hour.

**Scene II**

The next morning, a Friday morning, Meg woke up. She yawned and stretched, having slept pleasantly well last night. She looked out her window, and saw that it was half-covered with snow. The snow shower had simmered back down to flurries. She jumped out of bed, and looked outside. There was mist on the window, and Meg wanted to get a better look at what awaited her. She opened the window, and a light blanket of snow spilled on her floor.

It occurred to her just then that she had forgotten to put on her glasses. After she fetched her glasses, she was able to see more clearly. She went back to the window and took her blanket with her.

Outside, snow was everywhere. All of Spooner Street was painted white. In fact, there was so much snow that the snow plows had not even reached the neighborhood. Although it was still cold, somewhere below the freezing level, the wind had died down. Meg looked over at Kevin's window. He was still asleep, but she couldn't tell, because his window was covered with snow and mist too.

After closing her window, Meg wrapped herself up with her blanket again, and decided to get a quick breakfast. It wouldn't be too long before it was time for school.

As she ran down the stairs, Chris, already dressed, was watching the news.

"Good morning, Quahog," said Diane. "Quahog was hit with a snow storm last night, as you can tell, because Tom hasn't arrived yet."

Diane continued, "It is because of the snow that plows have been backed up, and cars have been stranded. Therefore, all area schools are closed for the day."

Chris jumped for joy. "YAYYYYYY!!!"

Meg sighed with relief, giving her more time to get some breakfast.

In the kitchen, Lois was preparing breakfast. She had just finished cooking eggs, toast, and sausage. Meg made herself a cup of chamomile tea.

On the news, Diane continued the newscast. "Also, happening in Quahog, two bodies were found unconscious under a bridge. Police blames the men's' injuries on some fallen icicles, but are investigating further whether it was accidental or a homicide."

Just then, Tom came in and took his seat while taking off her jacket.

"Hi, Diane", he said, "what did I miss?"

"Nothing important," Diane said.

"Let me tell you about this snow," Tom said, "I was in my car earlier this morning when it broke down near a bridge, so when I crossed the bridge, I almost lost my balance and tripped on the edge. Suddenly, two losers came from under the bridge and got nailed by these two icicles that I suppose were hanging from the overpass."

Tom started guffawing as Diane looked nervously at the camera. A brief silence befell the set.

Tom then stopped laughing and settled down. "So how was your morning?", he asked, still unaware that he was on the air.

After breakfast, Meg returned to her room. She was about to make her bed when she noticed Kevin wiping the snow off of his window. She rushed over and opened the window.

"Oh hi, Meg," greeted Kevin.

"Hi, Kevin" she said. "Snowy day, isn't it?"

"Yeah," replied Kevin, "especially since school's out for the day."

"I know", Meg said. After twiddling with her hair for a brief moment, she asked, "Hey, if you're not too busy, do you want to come over and hang out?"

Kevin smiled. "Sure thing, Meg. How about I come over for dinner?"

"That would be nice," Meg answered.

"Well, I got to get back to my chores," Kevin said. "See you later."

"Okay, bye" Meg said. She shut her window. Kevin shut his window.

**Scene III**

After she got washed and dressed, Meg went down to the basement, where Lois was doing laundry. Meg was missing her hat.

"Mom, have you seen my hat?" Meg asked.

"I just popped it in the washer," replied Lois. "It should be done later today."

"I need it for when Kevin comes over today." Meg stated.

"Oh, Kevin is visiting, well that's nice," Lois said. "Why don't you prepare him dinner? Make this a special day for him?"

Meg thought for a moment.

"That's a great idea!" Meg gasped. "Thanks, Mom."

She hugged Lois, and went back upstairs.

Meanwhile, Peter was in the opposite side of the basement, attempting to adjust the furnace.

He needed to take a closer look inside, and had with him a lighter.

Lois turned around and saw what Peter was doing. In her moment of distraction, she overfilled the washer with fabric softener.

"PETER DON'T!"

"Not now, Lois" said Peter. "I'm trying to make sure the furnace is working right."

"Yes" said Lois, "but not with a lighter. Use a flashlight instead."

Peter reached for the flashlight on a nearby table.

He turned it on, and took a peek inside.

Nothing seemed to be wrong.

But wait! One of the knobs was off-center.

Peter tweaked it back in place and turned it 40 degrees counterclockwise.

"That should do it", he said.

Peter closed the furnace door. "No more frosty nights for the Griffin family."

"I'm so proud of my handyman," Lois said, and gave him a kiss as Peter chuckled.

Peter left the basement. Lois finished the first load of laundry and left too.

So it seemed at the time that the furnace was fixed.

Or was it?


	2. Chapter 2

**An Evening to Remember**

**Act II**

**Scene I**

Over at the Swansons' house, the telephone rang. Bonnie answered it.

"Hello?" she said. "Okay, just a second."

She called Kevin. "Kevin honey, there's someone on the phone for you!"

"Coming!" Kevin replied. He ran down the stairs to get the phone.

"Hello?" said Kevin.

"Hi," said a female's voice with a sultry tone. "Whatc'ya doin?"

"Is this who I think it is?" asked Kevin.

"You know it's me, baby" said the voice. "And I know it's you…Big Brawn Bones."

"Ooh, I can see it now; me, caressing my palms over your rocky abs. And you, grabbing my smooth soft buttocks while we lock lips. Sweet warm love on this cool winter's day.

Oh baby, you're making me so hot. Hot! Hot! HOT!"

The voice broke down into hyperventilation, and a loud scream. When she recovered, she asked, "How does that feel?"

"Goodbye" said Kevin. He hung up the phone.

As he walked away, Bonnie was curious as to what just happened.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"Wrong number," answered Kevin. He shuddered.

**Scene II**

Back at the Griffins' house, Meg was sitting with Chris and Stewie on the couch. The two brothers were trying to watch TV, but Meg was itching to ask them a question.

She cleared her throat and spoke up, "So I'm meeting Kevin this evening."

"He's a bluff," Chris blurted.

"Shut up, turd!" Meg snapped back, nudging Chris on the shoulder.

Then she asked, "I need to know what to make for dinner?"

"What are you going to make for Kevin?" Chris asked.

"I'm asking _you_, retard!" Meg said annoyed.

"Oh," Chris said. "I don't know."

Meg sighed exasperatedly with a palm to her head. She almost forgot she wasn't wearing her hat.

"Listen Megan," Stewie spoke up, "guys tend to favor meat. No matter how big or small your meal is, the main course always has to be something that perks up the flesh and bones."

"You really think so?" Meg asked.

"Absolutely," Stewie added, "You like your men big and strong, right?"

"Yes," Meg answered.

"But of course", Stewie added, "you're not going to find that out from a verbal survey, let-alone from a baby."

"You're right, Stewie," she said. "I should get started right now! Thanks."

She left the couch and went for the kitchen.

Chris and Stewie quietly watched TV together.

"Do you ever get the feeling that people can talk too much?" Chris asked Stewie.

Stewie replied while trying to focus on the program, "Shhhhhh…"

**Scene III**

During the morning, Meg studied some cookbooks. She first decided to start with some appetizers.

She found a couple recipes for fruit salad. She chopped up some apples, pears, and bananas, gathered some grapes, sprinkled some cinnamon in one cup, honey in another, and made four different types of salad.

Next was the main course. Meg studied a few more recipes. She got started preparing some rice. Then, as the pot cooked on the stove, she prepared another pot of string beans.

As the two pots were cooking, she prepared a baked chicken. It took a while to get the correct seasoning. When she needed a carrot, she couldn't find the bag of baby carrots she saw earlier.

Then, she saw Stewie walking in the kitchen with a half-empty bag of carrots.

Meg swiped the bag of remaining carrots,

"Hey!" Stewie said,

and dressed the chicken up, along with some salt, pepper, butter, chopped peppers and onions. She then placed the chicken in the oven, as the pots of rice and string beans finished cooking.

Later, Meg took the chicken out the oven, and placed it on the stove to cool off. She was putting the finishing touches on her dessert, buttered scones, before placing them into the oven.

By that afternoon, Meg had prepared an entire meal for her dinner date with Kevin. She was sprinkling some cinnamon on her just-finished scones.

After she was done, she wiped the sweat off her head, and wiped her hands with her apron. She then removed her apron and went to bathroom to freshen up.

When she was done, Meg took the time to dust the dining room table off. She then placed a tablecloth over it, and began placing the food on the table. She even took out a couple special dining glasses and placed next to them a bottle of sparkling apple pop. Everything was finally in place for her date.

While Meg went into the kitchen to wash her hands, Chris tried to sneak into the dining room. He tip-toed very quietly.

He reached over for a scone…

WHACK!

"Ow!" yelled Chris.

Meg hit his hand with a spoon.

"You'll get whatever is leftover after my date," Meg said. "Now get!"

Chris left.

**Scene IV**

After a while, there was still a couple hours left until Kevin's arrival. All that Meg needed was her hat.

Lois came out of the basement with clean laundry. Meg dug into the basket, and retrieved her hat. It appeared warm and thick, having just come out of the dryer. She assumed it would cool off, so she placed it on her head.

Lois noticed the dining room table, all prepared for Meg's big date.

"Wow Meg, you really went to town with this dinner date" said Lois.

"Thanks, Mom" said Meg.

"Why don't you dress up for your date?" Lois suggested.

"It's not necessary," Meg said. "It's just a dinner date, not New Years' Day."

Lois shrugged her shoulders and went off to iron the clean clothes.

Meg figured that after a long afternoon, she deserved a nap. She went to the couch to relax.

She sat on couch, thinking satisfactorily to herself about the fruits of her labor.

Then she crossed her arms.

"Is it me, or is it getting a chilly?" Meg thought to herself. She wasn't even wearing a sweater.

But just then, something very unusual happened on her head.

Her hat had not cooled down, but had seemed to inflate. This phenomenon progressed for a couple minutes, until it seemingly deflated.

But more was about to occur. The hat drooped on the back of her head, and slowly covered Meg's ears and all of her hair. Meg was trying to make sense of this situation. She tried pulling the hat off, but the hat seemed to be stuck. She struggled for a short while, then just gave up and tried to ignore it, hoping to would resolve itself.

But the problem didn't stop there. The hat continued drooping downward, along Meg's back. Some time passed, and it was down to her buttocks.

By then, Meg was getting worried. How was she going to explain this to Kevin?

She sat on the couch with her legs crossed, trying to get her mind off of it by reading a magazine. But just then, the hat had wrapped around her butt, and was inching its way onto Meg's legs. Meg again tried to pry the hat off, this time with her feet. But that didn't work. Soon, her feet were stuck on the bottom rim of the hat, and she stumbled onto the living room floor. Meg then got desperate, and tried using her arms to free herself. That turned out to be a mistake, because the top part of the hat then consumed both of her arms, while the bottom half finished up on her legs. The hat worked its way up Meg's waist, then her chest.

A while later, all there was left was Meg's bewildered face…

…inside a strangely enlarged hat.


	3. Chapter 3

**An Evening to Remember**

**Act III**

**Scene I**

The doorbell rang. Kevin seemed to be an hour early. Lois went to answer, except it wasn't Kevin.

It was Connie D'amico.

"Hi, Mrs. Griffin" said Connie.

Meg's face paled.

"Connie," Lois responded. "What can we do for you?"

"My dad needs to borrow some antifreeze for his engine," Connie explained. "Our car broke down three blocks over, and we left our emergency kit at home."

"Come in," Lois said. "I'll go see if there is some in the garage."

As Connie took her jacket and boots off, she said, "I swear to God, this weather is horrible."

"I know," Lois said. "But Mr. Griffin just finished fixing our thermostat earlier today, and now he's working on our car."

Lois left the living room, never noticing the strange fuchsia "bean bag" that had suddenly appeared next to the couch.

She went into the garage, where Peter was working on the car. He had missed work due to the snow.

"Peter," Lois said. "Mr. D'amico needs to borrow some antifreeze for his car."

"Ah jeez Lois," Peter complained. "We need the antifreeze for _our_ car." The engine backfired.

"Come on, Peter" Lois said. "You'd be begging for antifreeze too if our car had broken down in this bad weather."

"Okay, fine" Peter conceded. "We'll go down to the hardware store and grab some."

"That's the spirit", Lois said.

Peter got up, and tossed the wrench aside.

"Oh, and we have to pick up some butter on the way back." Lois added.

Peter groaned to himself, then he and Lois walked outside to meet Mr. D'amico.

While Connie was waiting in the living room, she took a seat on the living room couch. She hunched her shoulders up. It was getting chilly, and the windows weren't even open.

She then noticed what looked like a large fuchsia bean bag next to the couch, not realizing it was actually Meg inside her enlarged hat.

As Connie plopped onto the "bean bag", none the wiser, the bottom mouth of the hat covered Meg's lips.

Connie stretched her arms and legs out as she reclined.

The "bean bag" was warm, soft and comfortable.

**Scene II**

A little later, the doorbell rang again. This time, Brian came downstairs to answer it.

And wouldn't you know it? It was Kevin!

"Ah, Kevin" Brian said.

Meg gasped to herself. Her eyes widened.

"Hello, Brian" said Kevin.

"Please come in," Brian said.

Kevin came in and removed his hat, gloves, coat, and boots. He smelled the delicious food that awaited him on the dining room table.

Of course, he arrived at the designated time, but Meg was nowhere to be found. He did, however, see a strange fuchsia "bean bag" next to the couch, but he did not yet see Connie.

Connie, on the other side, noticed Kevin as he walked over to the couch to take his seat.

She revealed herself in the "bean bag".

"Hi, Kevin" Connie said, using the same sultry tone as before.

A startled Kevin jumped in his seat.

"\Connie" Kevin said. "What are you doing here? Where's Meg?"

"How would I know?" Connie said. Then she continued with her seductive voice, "And why would a big brawn bones like yourself want a cheeseburger when you could have…filet mingon?"

She squished around in her seat, trying her best to make an open invitation for Kevin.

"Connie", Kevin started to say, "it's not that I don't respect you…"

But Connie interrupted, "Oh I see, you're a first timer."

Then she said as she opened her legs, "Don't worry, I'll be gentle."

Kevin tried to stay focused, "Look, there is something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" Connie asked.

"And this is very important," Kevin continued.

"Yes, yes?" Connie said as she reared forward with anticipation.

"I don't like you!" Kevin finally blurted out.

Connie's eager face was wiped away with dissatisfaction.

"You hear me?" Kevin demanded. "I came here for a date with Meg Griffin, and I don't think you belong here!"

Connie then noticed the dinner prepared on the table. She hung her head in shame.

Her dad called her from outside, "Connie, I got the antifreeze!" Peter, Lois, and Mr. D'amico had returned from the hardware store. Now it was a matter of getting his engine restarted.

Connie got up from the "bean bag", and while she was putting her jacket back on, tried to keep her composure. Then she stiffened.

"Listen, Jock" she confronted while walking towards the dinner table, "_nobody_ says 'no' to Connie D'amico. _Nobody!_"

She ripped a drumstick off the chicken, and continued her tirade, "Someday, you'll come crawling back to me. And I'll be waiting.

You'll be sorry!"

She took a sharp bite out of the drumstick, exited, and slammed the door from behind her.

Kevin was huffing, as if he had just fended off a predator.

Brian re-entered the living room.

"Hey, where's Meg? I thought you guys were having dinner", he said.

"Your guess is as good as mine, Brian" Kevin said.

He took a step back, and bumped into the "bean bag". He heard a muted yelp and felt some moving around from inside.

Upon closer inspection, Kevin and Brian noticed Meg's desperate eyes from inside her hat.

**Scene III**

"Meg!" Kevin exclaimed.

Meg struggled to speak, but the mouth of the hat had covered her mouth. Kevin pulled the bottom down to reveal her lips.

"Are you okay?" Kevin asked.

"I'm fine" Meg said. "I though you had forgotten me."

"Of course not" Kevin said. "I'd never forget you."

Meg blushed.

"What has happened to you?" asked Brian.

"I don't know," Meg said, "My hat either really likes me or really hates me.

Regardless, I don't know what we're going to do tonight, Kevin."

It seemed, right there and then, that the dinner that Meg had worked so hard to prepare, was at a standstill.

But not for Kevin.

"Here, I'll bring the plate to you", he resolved.

He went to the dining room table, and prepared two plates. He collected a cup of fruit salad, then plates full of rice, string beans, and chicken.

He returned to the living room, and sat on the floor with the two plates in front of him and Meg.

He took his first bite.

"Mmm…"

He then took a second bite, trying to savor the juicy flavor of the chicken.

"Is it good?" Meg asked.

"You should know," Kevin replied, "you cooked this food!"

He handed his fork over to Meg and gave her a bite.

"Mmm…"

When Meg swallowed it, she said, "Why don't you try it with some rice?"

"My pleasure," Kevin answered.

He took a big helping of chicken and rice, along with some gravy.

"Aw God!" Kevin yelled, dropping his fork. "My buds exploded!"

Meg giggled.

Kevin looked behind Meg.

Brian, who was observing the entire thing, gave Kevin a thumbs up.

He went upstairs with a newspaper in one hand...

…and a juicy chicken wing in another hand.

He handed the wing to Chris, who was eagerly awaiting a piece of food.

"Thanks, man" he whispered to Brian. Chris ran to his room with his piece of chicken, chuckling to himself, while Brian continued upstairs with a smile on his face.

Kevin and Meg continued eating their dinner in the living room. After finishing the main course, it was then they had their fruit salads. The salads were intended to be eaten first, but just as well, it was a pleasant meal for the both of them.

Afterwards, Kevin popped open a bottle a sparkling apple pop, and poured two glasses.

"A toast," Kevin said waving his glass in the air, "to an awesome dinner from an awesome girl."

He then remembered that Meg was unable to pick up her glass.

"Oh right," he said sheepishly.

He picked up Meg's glass in his left hand, and chimed with his glass in his right hand. He then served Meg a generous sip before taking his own.

**Scene IV**

The wind was blowing from outside. The sun had set some time ago, and the temperature was still freezing.

It was soon after dinner in the living room that Kevin washed the dishes.

"Aw Kev", said Meg from the living room, "you didn't have to clean up."

"But I wanted to", said Kevin. "It's the guest's honor."

When Kevin took the trash out, he noticed a lone, empty bottle of fabric softener in the recycling bin. He briefly read the label, and noticed a serious message.

He then rushed to Meg and they read the label together.

"_WARNING: Overuse of softener, followed by drying will result in severe fabric volume if not immediately ironed."_

What a mistake.

But maybe there was some hope left.

"Don't worry, Meg. I'll get you out", Kevin offered.

Kevin used his arms, and at first appeared to be making progress. Meg started to push her head forward.

But he somehow could not free Meg's pretty face from the fabric.

He stretched and stretched as hard as he could, and although he got the mouth of the hat open, Meg had a hard time pushing herself out.

Kevin then started using his legs. His hands and feet were caught in the mouth, but he kept trying. He tried pushing and pulling with all his body strength, while Meg still made the effort to free herself.

They pulled and pushed and struggled with all their might.

But then Kevin's hands and feet started to sink into the mouth. He struggled to free himself, but he lost his balance and tumbled into the stretched mouth.

Kevin had failed.

He himself had also been swallowed by the hat. Meg's face was still poking out.

"Kevin?" Meg asked. "Are you alright?"

Kevin could barely hear her from inside.

"Yeah, I'm fine" Kevin said shakily. He tried to move around, but barely had enough space. It was like moving inside a stuffed pillow.

Just then, the hat took on one final act. It covered Meg's lips again. Her muffled screams went unheard as the mouth of the hat sucked in her nose and finally her eyes before closing up completely.

Both she and Kevin were stuck inside.

"Kevin, I am so sorry," Meg said nervously, sitting in Kevin's lap.

"Sorry for what?" Kevin asked.

Meg didn't understand. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen", she replied.

"But you treated me to an excellent dinner," Kevin said, "and we both got a day off from school. All things considering, I've been having a great time this evening. Far better than staying home doing nothing, right?"

Meg thought to herself, still not completely comprehending Kevin's enthusiasm, She then conceded, "I guess that's all that matters."

"You're a great cook," Kevin complimented.

Meg giggled. "I would ask you to try a scone" she said, "but, you know…"

Of course, that didn't matter, because all of the scones were gone.

Chris and Stewie had eaten them.

The brothers finished each and every one of the scones that Brian had smuggled into their rooms. Brian saved the very last scone for himself.

Kevin didn't care about any scones. He leaned over, and kissed Meg. They shared a smile.

Kevin and Meg kissed and hugged as sweat began rolling down their faces....

**Scene V**

By nightfall, it was cloudy and once again cold. It was no longer snowing, but it was _cold_, well below freezing.

The furnace had died out. Everyone in the Griffin household was cold.

Peter and Lois fought over how much blanket one could have.

Brian tried to adapt by grabbing a second blanket. It didn't help much.

Chris was shivering under his own blanket. Then he sneezed.

Stewie was also freezing. He then decided he wanted some cocoa. He walked downstairs with Rupert in one of his arms.

After preparing his cocoa, Stewie noticed the large fuchsia "bean bag" that Connie was sitting in earlier that evening. It appeared to be moving by itself.

Stewie tip-toed over, and listened to some noises inside. Eerie noises.

"Gaaahhh….", a disgusted Stewie groaned. He ran upstairs carrying with him Rupert and his cup of cocoa, and slammed his bedroom door.


	4. Chapter 4

**An Evening to Remember**

**Epilogue**

The following Monday, the snow had cleared, and it was back to school and work for everyone.

As Kevin and Meg walked to James Woods High School together, Meg was wearing a new hat.

As they entered the building, they parted ways for the day, remembering for a moment that memorable snow day from last Friday. That very same day where the capstone event was recalled fondly between the two of them with a short and simple name:

"Hat Sex."

**The End**


End file.
